her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
