my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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