Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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