And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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