I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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