My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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