I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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