Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
