but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize