I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
