So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
