she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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