What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
