Who wears a wallet chain?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
