Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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