It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Someone came in the potted fern
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
