I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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