I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The uberlube is also flammable
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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