Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
