Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
