It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize