I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
