i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
