I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
