I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
