Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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