dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
