I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
did i walk over a car last night?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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