I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
