She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
