I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
