Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
