I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
