Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im holly from the hills drunk
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
