he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
