shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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