and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
