Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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