I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
