i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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