if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
