you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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