Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
