just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
