I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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