She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
