Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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