she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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