Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
