census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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