thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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