brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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