why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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