we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
