Do you still have your period?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
