I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
