I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
