is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
