i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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