i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
