I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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