My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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