Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
