Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I die, sorry about rent.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
