Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
