I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I faked an abortion last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
