I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
