Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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