no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
