I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
