so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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